We all have the one that got away. Or maybe quite a few.
There’s the relationships that we took for granted, or the ones where we fought too much and ruined things.
There are lots of different reasons that relationships end, and often we have lingering feelings.
After all, we fell for that person for a reason in the beginning.
Sometimes we think about getting them back, and other times the possibility arises.
So you try to get an ex back?
And even if you can, should you?
Let’s take a closer look at that.
Ways to Get Your Ex Back
Breaking up might be really hard, and both of you still need the other.
That might lead to getting together to talk. Experts will tell you NOT to go over and be alone with your ex, and NEVER have sex after a breakup.
But…
That can be hard if you’re used to being with that person. You might still love them even if you know the relationship isn’t working out.
So you talk, you snuggle, you somehow end up back together…
In another scenario, you’re apart for months or years and run into each other. Or one of you looks the other up.
You meet up or talk, and it seems like the old problems are gone. Maybe you outgrew them!
Yet another way of getting back together is when one reaches out to the other how much they miss them, and how they’ve never gotten over them.
Let’s talk about this first case first.
The “I still need you” reunion.
Have you ever had an ex get you back this way?
I have. I felt pretty bad for the guy, and somehow convinced myself that I was doing him a favor by dating him again.
It made him happy, even if I didn’t really like him as much.
Now I can see I was just using him. Not very nice. I know. So I ended it again, and the second time he wasn’t heartbroken.
He said he realized maybe we were just friends.
And we actually still are, even though I was a bit selfish when we dated.
Let’s flip that around and say you reach out to an ex, saying you love them and miss them still.
Do you want them coming back if you know it might involve some pity? Or just falling into old habits? Or wanting that security and familiarity?
I’m going to say this reason isn’t a good one to get back with an ex.
If one of you has stronger feelings, you’ll recreate the same situation and have to break up all over again.
When you think you Outgrew the old Problems
Let’s put it out there: cheaters usually stay cheaters. Ditto on lairs and abusive people.
And that goes both ways. Women can be really mean and abusive to men too.
So if there were serious issues in a relationship, there needs to be some serious change and intervention before you can consider trying it again.
But what if the issues weren’t that serious? Maybe you were immature, or you were a bad influence on each other, or maybe you just wanted different things back then.
If you want to try this reunion, you should consider what the issues were, and if you can work around them and fix them now.
Treat it a bit like a new relationship. Evaluate them for who they are, and if your lives and personalities work together.
It might not be a healthy shortcut to start a relationship with an ex.
Then again, if you’ve both loved each other all this time, and you both worked on those issues, you can try things again as long as you keep communication open.
And the “This hurts too much to breakup!” reunion.
The old, trying-to-break-up but ending up in bed.
Or a few weeks later…
Or a month..
If it’s a recent breakup, and you want to fix things, you really have to step back away from your emotions.
Talk to your friends.
This reunion is sometimes a post-breakup, less ugly breakup where you get together, then realize that you were right to breakup.
That can actually be healthy because you get to say goodbye and end things in a better way, if that’s how it works out.
Relationships are complex, and sometimes getting out of one is messy and complex too.
And most people want to feel like they gave it their all.
So try it if you need to…and you may.
But beware that sometimes we do this one out of pain and wanting to keep things the same.
Remember why you broke up, and think about what you really need for you.
So should you get your ex back? It depends on the situation and if things are really better.
Just remember, people don’t make big changes unless they really feel the need inside themselves.
You can’t change people.
Evaluate them for who they are now, and what you both need now, and if it will be good for both of you.